Thursday, October 20, 2005

Lock That Blardy KKC Up And Go Shopping lah!! 18sx

This post is dedicated to the whining lady who's seated at the table beside me at the food-court last night.

Rewind the scenario 20hrs earlier:

Venue - Open-air food-court with starlight cinema when it doesnt rain/in the shade when it does - now showing some Wah Lai Toi drama series

Cast - 2 cun ladies with hotbods over 1/2dozen almost empty beers bottles (wahlau, those 2 hot chicks sure can drink one). Cun 1 - air-stewardess, Friend - Reporter

Weather - hot

Language - overheard in cantonese with lots of cussing; now translated into English


Cun 1: *sob, sob, sob* I dont know what to do anymore? *sob some more*

Friend: Where is he now? Doesnt he care for your feelings?

Cun 1: He does. He's very nice to me. Treats me well too. *shows off a nice diamond ring to friend*

Friend: Why of course, when he's out of money he's exceptionally nice, and home every night too.

Cun 1: It's not like what you think, it's for his business expansion. He really needs the cash. Moreover it's not much, only 50k.

Friend: 50k!! You're mad ah, give him all that money? Think money fall from the sky ah? He's not your husband yet, you know. He's lying to you lah, dumbo.

Cun 1: There's nothing much that i can do about it now. He says it's for our future.

Friend: Future my arse. I dont think he deserves to have you in the first place. He's not to be seen also lately. He's out with her again, right? Driving your BM too.

Cun 1: She's the intermediary for this particular project that he's involved in right now. I dont use the car much, especially when i fly. Someone has to drive it what.

Friend: And you believe him? Why dont you just ditch him for good? What spell has this prick cast on you, moron? You cannot fly forever, y'know. He's with her when you're flying. And everyone knows about it already. He's getting bolder by the day. I'm a reporter, i see and hear things.

Cun 1: That's why, i dont know. I've been thinking about it lately also but i dont know how to tell him.

Friend: Leave a note, ditch him for good. There are so many ways you can skin a cat. Buy a book and choose one or watch Sex & The City.

Cun 1: And also, lately he brought back some porno vcds. It's bugging me.

Friend: What about them, you watch them all the time with him?

Cun1: He says he needs them for stimulation, makes the sex more interesting. It's not that i mind.

Friend: I watch that with my boyfriend too sometimes, and yes, i agree it does add more oomph to our sex life.

Cun 1: That's ok, but now, he's hinting for kinky sex, y'know... like bondage, three/foursome kinda things. And you know me, i'm not into those kinda stuff. The very thought of it turns me into a frigid. I've been turning down his sexual demands lately. Scared lah. What if he pokes it into my butt? Is he turning into a sex pervert?

Friend: Oh, is that the reason why he's out womanising so much? He's not getting it from you.

Cun 1: I dont think i'd call that womanising on his part. Like i said, it's business mah. He's out with clients.

Friend: Dont lie to yourself. You've seen him "at it" in your own bed. Dont tell me that's his "client".

Cun1: Dont bring that up again, i've already forgiven him on that and he's apologized already.

Friend: Just why you keep falling for his sweet nothings all the time really baffles me. Is it because of his looks the reason you cant ditch him? Why worry, you're not short of admirers yourself. You can take your pick from the skies.

Cun 1: Where got? If only there is. I'd ditch him immediately.

Friend: That Mr. SLK leh. He's been calling you quite often too lately. Why dont you consider him, lol? At least he's single and wont go after your money. Good catch what.

Cun 1: Eh, i'm not into fat balding old men, k. Got money or no money.

Friend: Well, at least you dont have to worry about the kinky sex part anymore. Dunno whether he can still get it up or not?

Cun 1: Shit, just why must you meantion the word kinky again. Really, i have to go home and think over this soberly. Still no idea how to ditch that prick. It's late, i want to go now.

Friend: Ok, if you need help, call me. And lets go celebrate when you ditch him, k. I'll wait. Shall i invite Mr. SLK along for the celebration?

Cun 1: @#$%^&@#$%^&


Judging from the over-heard conversation, Miss Cun 1 is obviously an air-stewardess.

Eh, sorry for eaves-dropping on your conversation. Can't help it; you're seated right next to me. And you are not exactly speaking softly, y'know. If you cant find a way to ditch that prick in your life, i'd like to extend my most sincere professional assistance for free. A token of appreciation in Windows Media Player format would very much be anticipated.

Since that prick is already hinting for some kinky sex, why dont you just honor his request for once. He's not asking for too much what. And i've got the kinky sex aide that's surely gonna make this the most memorable sexual encounter of his life. That's if he choose to continue living after this.

You are an air-stewardess, you wouldnt have much problem procuring this lil device i've specifically sourced for you. More can be found here. Buying it is the easiest part and putting it on him is an art. Trust me, he's sure gonna love it and most likely have no idea as to what it is.

I suggest you document this lil adventure of your life in the method of your choice. Be it in video or live. Your friend have sincerely extended her offer to help you in on this, now go get her. I'm sure she'll happily oblige.

Next, schedule this lil tryst just before your next flight maybe to Paris or Milan. You'll need these destinations, believe you me. Then, go tell that prick of yours you've considered his request for kinky sex and would like to try it out once. Hint to him that bondage is involved as he has a preference for that. Well, at least you can put all those slutty pantyhose to good use. Just make sure they are of the best quality available and wont break easily.

Men are all naughty lil boys when it comes to kinky stuffs and since he's the instigator, he'll most likely agree to it with his tongue hanging out of his mouth like a puppy; panting away in anticipation of what's to come.

This lil device has a weak point from what i see. It has to be used when the KKC's limp/inactive.

You either:

1) Give him the screw of his life. When he's down and out; snoring away. Snap and lock him up, then run for your life.

2) Tie him to the bed post with the pantyhose. Blind-fold him with your Hermes scarf, then snap it on him and run. Throw away the keys.

For added spice, call the fire-brigade/your reporter friend/wateva before catching the next flight to go shopping for finally ditching him in style.

Headline it:

"Naughty lil bird hunting in other bushes found caged"

Disclaimer: This idea is just an evil thought that came into my mind and should not be used against me should anyone choose to try it out.

18 comments: said...

*fell off chair* like that thing I oso dunno. Where to buy? You got distribute onot ha? Now I drive down to Ipoh to get one? LOL. Wait tomolo I oso blog about being pat phor ala Helen and you, ok?

Samm said...

I'm waiting....

Jeremy C said...

OMG!! *falls off stool and bangs head on the floor*

Holy Mother of God! I hope they/you don't circulate such apparatus...looks so painful, aiyo *LOL*

Samm, you are really good la...i'm gonna link you up!

Samm said...

jeremy c - thank you, xoxoxoxoxox

King's wife said...

u terror also. overhearing the conversation is one thing, but you can even remember it..

Samm said...

king's wife - aiyo, i blogger mah now. must pay attention to details one.

CL said...

Wah so detailed...did you furiously scribble the conversation down while you were listening to it? Lol...just kidding la. Open air food court with starlight cinema...I can only think of 2 restaurants in Greentown. Greentown Corner and 881. Lol.

shoppingmum said...

I think men will faint looking at that thing!
BTW, some women really stick to lousy guys, even if they're pretty and smart, *sigh*, dunno why...

Anonymous said...

Sei lor.. I told AhKin that I'll teach his future wife to buy one and make use of it.. AhKin replied, "It won't fit mine.."

Samm said...

cindy - got some more leh. y u onli go greentown.

shoppingmum - i'll ask her shld i ever bump into her again

chenyeng87 - tell AhKin ah, got lots more to choose from. Comes in all shapes and sizes to fit evry prick.

Helen said...


Waaa, you really terror lar!!! lol Don't know what to say already... HA HA HA

Unknown said...


Samm said...

Hele - you still got air left in you meh??

arod - thank you.

Samm said...

Helen - Soreee, i misspelt your name...

sengkor said...

Dunno he is damn lucky, or she is damn stupid.. I guess it's the same..

Anonymous said...

which food court ah? This is more interesting than any Wah Lai Toi drama!! LOL!

MahaguruSia said...

Haha, that's a good one. Initially the device, Chastity Belts were designed for women! Serious; centuries ago when the knights were out battling and in order to keep their maiden 'kuai kuai' at home, they literally lock them up! :)

I remembered reading a newspaper article not too long ago, a lady was pulled in by the airport security for constantly setting off the metal detector. After thorough check, it was found she was wearing the belt! which according to her was installed by her hubby as she was going on a holiday, alone!! kekeke.....

Anonymous said...

Wah hehehe dat waz interesting lol. Wanna try it wit ur prick and c. Bet he'll dare not touch a ....... otherwise OMG wat a horendous situation he's gonna land himself.