Rejection

I had my first dose of rejection today. It is something that i had never done before in my entire life. The pain hurts, of course. Followed by disappointment, and dejection. To be honest, i was well prepared for it. Even for the rejection part. Yet, the pain lingers and i had to take a nap to ease the heavy feeling that enveloped me. Tight chest, with a lump in my throat, you get what i mean?

Why the pain? It is cos the person i asked for help had verbally told me to her if i ever need to. This was when she visited me about two years ago after his demise. Yeah, old friend, of more than thirty yeas. Her words didnt hold true, her offer to help no longer exists. Long forgotten. With an excuse that is well, valid to her. Yet, lame to me. I apologized for troubling her at a bad time, of cos. 

I tell myself, it is ok. This, shall pass. I dont think i ever want to seek help from anyone anymore if i can help it. I do have other forms of help from other friends, for which i am totally grateful for. Extended to me unconditionally. Let today be a lesson to me. A reminder to strife for a better tomorrow on my own.