WARNING!! Colema Therapy Did This To Me!! MUST READ!!

You see, this post is written in urgent response to some of the comments regarding my Colema Therapy posts. Don't worry, i'm not angry at all. As the Colema Therapy provider, I sincerely feel that it's indeed my sole responsibility to provide as much evidence as possible to some of the claims i wrote earlier.

I tried getting my clients to pose and write a few lines to further prove their claims. But, sorry to say, they are facing the same dilemma as i am in now. They all refuse to disclose further details. We are all NOT happy.

Let me tell you this. It's difficult to produce scientific evidence to back up all those claims that Colema Therapy did to them and myself. I'm not a doctor. I'm not qualified and cannot simply write on something which i cannot prove scientifically. I might even get hauled to court! YIKES!! So, what can i do?

I've been cornered. HELP ME!!

You see, I've been religiously using the Colema Therapy machine for more than a month. I'm really a changed person. I'm no longer the Samm i used to be. I dont know whether to regret or not, regarding my decision for using it in the first place.

Yes!! This is a true account of what the therapy did to me:

Here are just some of the outrageous claims regarding Colema Therapy. So, proceed with caution. Whether they come from me alone or my clients is no longer of importance because sad to say, every single one of them are affected one way or the other.

1) I no longer feel safe. I'm afraid to walk the streets alone. Men from 8 - 118 yrs old cant stop ogling at me. I feel as though i'm raped everywhere i go.... it's frightening.

2) I no longer have much time to myself now cause hubby simply cant keep his hands off me.

3) It's a total waste of money because now I have to buy so many new clothes. The old ones no longer fit me. In fact, most were ripped off my body.

4) My phone keeps ringing non-stop cause the press now somehow got to know of this and wants to publish my heart-wrenching story. I can hardly get a wink now.

5) Big big cosmetic companies keep hounding me because they now want to develop anus-cleansing machines and want me to endorse them. Some even wants me to go so far as to bluff and claim that it's their super duper chemically laced creams that did it. How can i lie to the public? This is a public domain you know. And i have to be careful of what i claim.

6) Slimming centres are now quickly ditching their expensive slimming equipments and wants me to install Colema Therapy machine in their premises with only me as their International Spokeswoman. How can i do that? I will be depriving the general public of this economical therapy.

7) I get so many people lining up and camping at my doorstep begging for Colema Therapy.

8) And the most horrifying part is, most of them are the Paparazzi and the producers for the new James Bond movie. You see, they somehow got word that Colema Therapy is a "Major scientific discovery". They quickly rewrote the script. They want to be the first to showcase this Therapeutic Breakthrough in their next Blogbuster Movie. (They are so out of idea, sad huh) They want to cast me as the next Bond Girl, not her. (She failed miserably in the negotiations, who can blame her.) They specifically want me to administer Colema Therapy on James because he proposed kinky sex at the end of the movie. You get it? He's so full of shit. In other words. I get to straddle him and say:

"Come here James, you are such a CONFUCKSTIPATED prick. You need Colema Therapy!!!"

But me being me, a humble mom from Ipoh (excuse me, ex-bond girl also from Ipoh, k), naturally i'm MORTIFIED at the thought of it. I simply cant cope with the sudden fame.

This must be the saddest day of my life. *sob*

So much to lose. I miss my fat ass, my cellulite, my dark and freckled skin, my pot-belly, my sleep.... *sob......sob.......sob*

So, i urge all of you.

DO NOT try Colema Therapy or you may all end up like me.

Oh, yes, again i stress, I DO NOT have the scientific evidence to back up my claims. I'm sorry. I know by now everyone of you reading this will want proof. Sorry to say my celebrity mugshot is the only piece of evidence that i can produce at this moment. It's is located at the top right corner of my blog.

Sorry. I cannot show you my face. You all will have to wait till the next 007 Movie to find out who i am.

Thank you for reading this.

Disclaimer: I'm also pimping my blog hoping that Rojakz will also link me for free. You see, hot chick Miss Mimi Lee cannot pimp me nor can Amber Chia. According to Helen, Miss Mimi Lee is under a strict binding contract with Hugh Hefner and Amber Chia is far too busy.